Sonder – so much more than a poetic idea

A Different Way of Seeing

It’s easy to flatten people into quick impressions – the unhelpful shop assistant, the grumpy driver, the patient who missed their follow-up. When our days are crammed with endless to-do lists and constant demands, we rush from one thing to the next without noticing the texture of the moment. Sonder interrupts this autopilot. It reminds us that what we see is never the whole story. The person who seems distant might be deep in thought about something life-changing. The one who smiles might be carrying grief. The stranger you pass on your walk could be in the middle of the best – or the hardest – day of their year. You don’t know. You don’t need to know. But you can still feel the fullness of their existence, even in silence.

In the Mirror, Too

There’s a gentler layer to sonder – one that turns inward. Just as others are more than their appearances, so are we. Behind every role you play – parent, partner, colleague – there’s an inner world no one fully sees. Your private hopes, quiet worries, and small joys are just as real, even if they go unnoticed by others.

Sonder helps soften self-judgement. It reminds us that being human is inherently messy, layered and unfolding.

We’re not defined by our productivity or how we appear to others. We’re complex stories in motion, deserving of compassion and care – even from ourselves. Not one of us is a finished sentence.

Living With a Sonder Lens

You can’t walk around constantly holding this awareness – it would be overwhelming. But touching it from time to time shifts how we relate to others and opens the door to empathy.

The person in front of you isn’t just who they are in this moment – they’re a mosaic of everything that’s shaped them: what they’ve cried about at 3am, what they secretly hope for, what they’re afraid to say aloud. And much of it, you’ll never know. That truth alone can dissolve judgement and expectation.

Sonder doesn’t ask us to probe further, fix, or fully understand others – it simply reminds us that we can’t.

Small Nudges, Big Shifts

In a world that’s louder, faster, and more distracted than ever, sonder calls us back to something quieter. To witness, not define. To be present, not perfect. When we truly acknowledge that everyone is living their own story – one we’ll never fully grasp – we restore a sense of wonder and understanding in our daily interactions.

This shift doesn’t ask for more effort. In fact, it asks for less. Less doing, more being. More space for curiosity and presence. That painting in Raglan, quietly hanging in the corner, certainly didn’t shout – yet somehow it had my full attention.

Life often offers these nudges: a word, a glance, a moment that invites us to step out of our common patterns of thinking and delve into the shared mystery of being human.

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