Radical Acceptance – Embracing Life
Amal Karl
CEO
We find ourselves in unchartered territory again. The sudden lockdowns coupled with the uncertainty about when our lives will return to normal can result in ongoing anxiety.
We face pain and challenges in life but how do we stop these from becoming suffering? Radical Acceptance can be a powerful ally to help us achieve this by removing attachment to the pain.
Radical Acceptance has two key facets. Firstly, it involves recognising our emotional or physical distress, whether it’s around minor issues like traffic or more significant challenges such as navigating a chronic illness. Secondly it demands wholeheartedly practicing acceptance to the situation at hand.
‘It involves accepting reality for what it is and rests on letting go of the illusion of control, a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging’.
Marsha Linehan
Non-acceptance is avoidance
Dalai Lama says that all human beings are alike, in that we only want to avoid pain and be happy. Suffering arises because we avoid pain and seek happiness in the wrong way. We tend to fight our reality. How often do we have these thoughts arise – this isn’t fair, this can’t be true, it shouldn’t be this way, why me or why now?
On some level, by rejecting the experiences or circumstances of our lives, we also reject ourselves. Ironically, when we open ourselves to the truth of our circumstances and emotions, we open ourselves to the possibility of lasting and beneficial change. True happiness comes not from the avoidance of pain, but rather from approaching it with radical, loving and open acceptance.
Acceptance is not inaction
Accepting reality and our present moment circumstance doesn’t mean that we become helpless. Acceptance is empowering as when we accept the things we can’t control, we avoid getting stuck in a no-win situation. We cease to waste energy on anger or resentment and instead make space for grief, sadness and ultimately healing. Though it sounds counterintuitive, accepting negative circumstances can help us feel better.
'Life regularly and inevitably involves emotional stress, anger, fears around health, shame around failed relationships, but anything short of fully accepting our human experience will keep us caught in those emotions'.
Dr Tara Brach
One reason is that the habitual ways we deal with difficult situations is to avoid truly feeling our emotions, like pretending that everything is fine, acting amiable when feeling resentful. This approach is ultimately depleting and not restorative.
Yoga can guide us to acceptance
The term acceptance as per yoga means experiencing the present “as it is”. It also means the mind is totally at ease being in the now moment. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the classical text written some 2,500 years ago, defined yoga as a mental practice.
All aspects of yoga, including the Asanas (postures) are practiced in order to bring about a cessation (nirodhah) of the fluctuations of the mind (vritti). Pranayama (breathing exercises) can induce acceptance by practicing them with the intention of inhaling all that is positive in the universe and exhaling all that is negative within oneself.
A balanced Prana (life energy) leads to a calmer and steadier mind. A steadier mind induces acceptance. One can accept the reality of the world only when one has accepted one’s own self, as these both work in tandem.
Accepting situations and circumstances for what they are, without complaining, makes life simpler and easier to understand. Tom Hanks’ famous quote in the movie Forrest Gump ‘Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get’ exemplifies the randomness of life. We just don’t know what’s going to happen until it actually happens. Those who can remain content with whatever comes their way have endurance, an evenness of mind and tremendous self-restraint.
It becomes easier for an accepting mind to realise the unity of all the elements in the entire universe. Acceptance generates the sense of oneness, of being connected with everyone and everything around us. This empowering sentiment has the ability to alleviate our stress and ultimately provide serenity and inner peace.
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